Over the past few years I've heard from various people that I'm "blissfully optimisitic". One time I was stepping off to bus to go to school, and some random guy came up to me (while I was zoned out on my headphones) and said "I see you all the time and I have to ask: why are you so smiley?" Another person told me multiple times last year "I can't believe you're so happy all the time." Another time during recruitment weekend I ran into someone on the walk to lab and they were talking about how only first and second year grad students are asked to host a prospective student, since at that stage of their career, they're still "happy and excited about their research," while senior grad students are stereotypically bitter and irritated that they haven't graduated yet.
Looking back on my blog posts starting from undergrad commencement, I've definitely taken a more serious tone in my writing about the grad student experience. I've rarely written about my project as of late and have focused more on experiences outside of lab and the changing perceptions of myself and other people. However, that doesn't mean that I'm not excited about my work anymore (my advisor recently told me that I seemd very optimistic about experimental outcomes). I think it's more of the realization that if experiments don't work, there's really nothing I can do except think it over, change a thing or two, and rerun it.
...which takes care of my life inside the lab. Outside the lab, things become very different. Sometimes I find it difficult to simply be happy when I'm surrounded by subtle pessimism, not just about lab, but also about their lives outside of lab. Two people I know have made their love lives a running joke by saying things like "what love life?" and "yours can't be more of a joke than mine!" While their comments may be on the light side of things, there are other people who say things like "marriage makes you a better person." I know one person who told me that she cried herself to sleep because she didn't have a boyfriend on her birthday. It's hard for me to deal with stories like that, especially if I'm being constantly bombarded with messages that I can't be happy as I am, or that I simply can't become a better person because I'm unmarried.
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My cold-emailing-club-directors-and/or-instructors is finally starting to pay off; I've started dancing again and got involved with a science outreach group. And I'm definitely seeking out happier people to be around.
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